Only in Singapore, Part 1

God blessed us with free will. As a result, we have made some interesting choices and decisions that result in what we accept as being cultural differences, quirks or peculiarities. As an outsider looking in, here are some of the things that makes Singapore special. (The wife agrees that most of these are local oddities, though if anyone has any contrary examples, we'd like to hear of them)

1) Everyone has seen Invasion of the Body Snatchers (either the original or one of its many remakes, ignoring the Invasion) in which people are being quietly replaced by [space] pod clones. Everyday, around the lunch hour, people here are being replaced by - packs of tissue!? Here's the situation. You've just entered the food court and you're looking for a table for you and your friends. As far as your eye can see, empty seats appear to be everywhere, no problem, you'd think, right? Wrong. As you walk up to the seats, a strange sight appears right before your eyes, packs of tissue are carefully placed here and there on the seats. Slowly, but surely, these are replaced by people, with food in hand, that are the owners of these little packets of tissue. This phenomenon is known as choping (that's not a typo), and is generally respected. As much as it is an idiotic notion to me, when in Rome... So next time you think you spot an empty seat, be warned, don't get your hopes up. Somewhere, somehow, some impatient person expects you to honour that little packet quietly mocking you. Now if only the cleaning person came by quicker to clear the garbage....

2) Outside of certain parts of Bangkok (this is heresay of course, I haven't yet been to Thailand), I think Singapore is home to the largest she-male population in Asia (I daresay the world). They're not as exotic as their Thai cousins, but they can be just as hard to distinguish. From a distance it looks like a normal couple walking down the street, a woman and you presume, a man (or a girl and a boy, whichever tickles your fancy). They may look like men, dress like men, but, look closer. Hanging from their shoulder and tucked carefully under their arm, is a purse/handbag. Let me assure you, this is not an isolated incident. This is so prevalent that it has even made the news recently. The emasculated try to convince or console themselves that they are doing this because they love their significant other or they are being chivalrous. I'm not saying I've never held my wife's purse, I've done it for those times when she needs her hands free. Those are for brief moments, not as if it was my accessory and not hers. There are plenty of other ways to demonstrate your love and that you cherish her. Although I can't be sure what Meatloaf was referring to, you can be sure that I won't do that. (Of course, I may be overanalyzing this. After all, National Service is compulsory only for males...)

3) Registration of a marriage and the reception doesn't occur on the same day. I know some cultures have weddings that span several days, but this is not what I'm referring to. I'm talking like a Saturday in March and another one in November. The reason? A flat. Singapore has a very high rate of home ownership, much of it thanks to the government's public housing scheme that attempts to make it accessible and affordable. But of course, it goes without saying, there are rules (like MacDonald's has hamburgers served) around ownership, such that it among other things, favours married couples. This has led to:

1. people first registering their marriages with the state in order to be able to buy public housing and having the ceremony and reception at a much later date, and
2. to a not unheard of way of proposing where the "guy" (methinks the same ones above, who have misplaced their cajones) to propose by asking their beloved whether or not "they would like to buy an HDB together?"

I'm sure there are many other such examples just waiting to be discovered. Stay tuned.

IC? Q!

You ask most people here, and you'd find that food and shopping are national obsessions in Singapore. Well, I'd like to submit that requests for your Identification Card (IC) and queuing are two others. Let's examine this.

If you want to open a bank account, show me your IC (I do agree with this one requiring official ID). You want to buy cellphone service? Show me your IC (ok, I can still buy this, terrorists, yadda, yadda, yadda) You want to use the Clubfitt gyms? Show me your IC. You want a store discount card? IC. (I still have yet to hear of a decent, half-baked reason why this is necessary) You want to go to a spa? IC. (WTF?!) You want to talk to me? IC. (Ok, that last one I jest, but basically for any situation you can think of, and more I can't, that is the first thing people want to know.) To me, almost all of the situations above do not require official identification, yet people will obediently supply it. I'm slightly disturbed by this, due to the fact that, the information not only seems unnecessary and extraneous, but also because of the information security risks of having your IC stored in so many different places. Seriously, I've had an email response from a local government ministry that it was ok to send personal information and identification numbers over their obviously not secure website, because, if you read their Privacy Statement, it says it is secure, so there! Stop or I'll say stop again. The practice and acceptance is so widespread, and I am but one man, doing what little I can to stop the insanity, with no chance of winning.

Queues. For those of us from the only former British colony with a rebellious southern neighbour, that's a line up. They're everywhere and can even signify the popularity of a food stall or restaurant, though social experiments have proven that people will line up without knowing why, just because others have. While I think there's some room for improvements in the manner which they are used, overall I appreciate the order they bring. I giggled like a schoolgirl at the sight of a service rep at the ICA give a verbal beatdown to a PRC jumping the line. Of course, my mum nearly paid the price recently in Macau standing at the front of the line, the only thing separating a bunch of PRC from the buffet table. You'd think people who can fake just about anything could come up with a reasonable facsimile of civility.

On an unrelated note, can anyone else think of another job other than a cab driver, where it benefits you to be more incompetent? Think about it. So filing this under "Things I learned while watching Amazing Race (or actual experience)", cab drivers are a crapshoot because:

• don't always speak English (true even back in the T-dot) even in an english speaking country
• will never tell you they don't understand what you just said to them (remember what I said about seeing the lights come on? Unfortunately, once the cab is in motion, you're left to their devices)
• will never tell you they don't know where you want to go, regardless of whether or not that is true, and
• almost always expect you to pay in full for the Tour of Fill-In-Your-Current-Location (otherwise known as the fare) because 1, 2 or all of the above just happened to you. It is at this moment that you wish all cabbies were required to have "The Knowledge" that the reputedly best cabbies in the world have. At least then they might take some pride in their work. Or at least, not talk on their cellphone when you are trying to give them directions. But here, that'd be too much to ask.